Men often complain they don’t have the same problem. In fact, they frequently say that they feel it’s impossible to catch a woman’s attention when they’re interested in her. They also mention tossing out messages, winks, likes, etc., almost randomly in hopes of finding a woman who will respond.

Here’s the thing, guys: you’re right. It is really hard to catch a woman’s attention on certain dating sites. Let me tell you, when you log in and have 30 or more messages to sort through, your eyes glaze over pretty fast. When you keep seeing the same stuff over and over, it’s easy to end up missing someone great just because you’re expecting the same old crap and not really paying attention.

But there are a few things you can do to try to stand out from the crowd. Let’s go over my best advice for catching a woman’s eye on a dating site.

It starts with your photo

Looks aren’t the most important thing. But they are the first impression we have of you. When that first impression photo doesn’t include your face, we think one of three things:

· You’re afraid someone will see you (like your wife or her friends)

· You’re hiding something

· You’re lying about something (your age or something else we’d see is a lie)

So, make your main profile picture one of your face.

But you need to go a step beyond that. Make it a good photo. No shirtless beach or gym photos. No selfies in the bathroom mirror. Ask a friend to take a photo of you when you’re dressed and looking good. Wear a suit, wear jeans and a t-shirt — just be fully clothed and looking presentable.

Update your photo as needed to reflect what you currently look like. If you’ve grown a beard, let everyone see it. If you’ve shaved it, show us that smooth face. We want to know exactly what we can expect if we meet you.

Be honest

Your age, body type, height, weight… these things are all very obvious when we meet you. And if you lie about them, you shoot yourself in the foot. First we might not have been interested if we knew the truth, so you just wasted our time.

But second, we might have been interested even if we knew the truth. But now you’ve shown us you’re a liar, so it doesn’t matter. We’re going to walk away because you lied.

Whatever you may look like, whatever you might be insecure about, there’s a woman out there who will like you anyway. Be honest so you can find her instead of wasting your time with ones who are just going to get pissed that you lied.

Don’t lie about your interests, hobbies, career, or anything else either. We might not know the first time we meet you, but you won’t be able to keep up the pretense forever. And then when we find out, it’s far worse for you.

Don’t pretend to be more adventurous or intellectual or athletic than you really are. If there are things you’re interested in picking up, say so — but be honest that it’s something you don’t do but want to try.

Fill out bios, what you’re looking for, etc.

Many dating apps offer you blank boxes to use your own words to describe who you are, what you want, and sometimes other things too. Take advantage of those boxes. If you don’t fill them out, we assume you’re not serious. If we’re not looking for just a hookup, we’ll swipe and look at the next guy who did fill out those boxes.

You don’t have to provide your whole life story, and you don’t have to know every detail of what you want in a woman or a relationship. But give them something.

Give them something to read that can help know whether you might be someone we want to meet. And don’t repeat the details they can find elsewhere in your profile. Skip the age, height, etc. Give us something meaty.

Tell us a story that gives us insight into your personality. Tell us what a friend or relative has said about you that will tell us about your relationships with others. Describe a few of your interests or hobbies. Tell us about the five different college majors you chose and why and how you finally settled on the one you got your degree in.

Just give us something.

Write full sentences

I don’t know how many profiles I’ve seen that said something like, “Hard working, fun loving, looking for the right girl”

Um… okay. The lack of punctuation aside, what does that tell me about you? Basically, that you’re like every other guy on the app. And every other guy I’ve ever met in person. And every other guy who doesn’t want to put in the effort to find the “right girl.”

Use full sentences, and make them more substantial than, “I’m hard working and fun loving. I want to find the right girl.”

Say something like, “I work in construction, and after a 10-hour day, I look forward to coming home and having a beer while I watch the game — whichever game is on. But on the weekend, I love nothing more than a good time. I’m looking for the kind of girl who would enjoy seeing a live band one weekend and heading to a game the next. Is that you?”

Do I still need to know more about you? Of course. That’s not enough to decide to get in a relationship with you. But if you’re the kind of guy I’m into, it’s enough to make me want to get to know you.

Work on your opening line

Hi. Hello. Hey, beautiful. Hey, sexy. What’s up? Wanna chat?

The words might change slightly, but those are all real examples of opening lines received by women as first messages from a guy on a dating app. And they’re the only line. One or two words and nothing more.

Look, we get it. You’re feeling a bit defeated because you’ve reached out to try to connect with lots of women and it never seems to pan out. It feels like a waste of time and effort to put more than one or two words into it until you know she’s going to respond.

But here’s the thing, guys: we aren’t going to respond if we don’t feel like you’re putting time and effort into that first message.

If we feel like we’re getting a copied and pasted line, or one that took less than two seconds to type and send, even the most outstanding profile might not be enough to save you. We want to feel special. We want to feel like you reached out to us and only us.

We know that you’re messaging other women too. We’re not stupid. We’re messaging other guys. But just because we know that doesn’t mean you can’t put in a little work to make us feel a little special. A little unique among all the women you might be chatting with right now.

Even if it is a line that you copy and paste, make it one that’s worth it. Add our name at the beginning or end. Give it something that makes it feel more personal.

You need to stand out from the rest

You already know you’ve got a lot of competition. You know women have plenty of options. So it’s up to you to do something that makes you stand out so they’ll notice you.

Standing out doesn’t mean doing something totally crazy. It just means doing something that makes her linger on you. The best way to do that is give her something to linger for.

Take your time. Be thorough. Be real. Make your profile a real introduction to who you are and the right women will notice. Give her an opening line that’s sincere and unique to go along with it, and you’ll find that the number of women liking you and messaging you back starts to grow fast.